“It was Hamlet’s mother he wanted to marry.” “I’ve never heard of anyone wanting to marry their mother.” “What did he want to marry his mother for?” said William. “Listen!This man was called Hamlet and his uncle had killed his father because he wanted to marry his mother.” “Yes, ‘scuse me, you did,” said William politely. “I did not say he was called Bacon,” snapped Mr Welbecker.
“You just said he was called Bacon,” said William. “I want first to tell you the story of the play of which you are all going to act a scene,” he said. “I said Bacon,” snapped Mr Welbecker again. “Well, why’s he got his name printed on all the books then?” said William. “Ah, but you see I don’t believe that Shakespeare did write them,” said Mr Welbecker mysteriously. “Well, how could this man Bacon write them if Shakespeare wrote them?” “Well, it’s nearly the same,” said William. A story in which William Brown gets involved in a production of Hamlet, ‘William Holds The Stage’ contains probably the finest takedown in English Literature of Shakespeare-truthers, and it’s my favourite for this reason:
I think including this story might be cheating, since I listened to the audiotapes – read by Martin Jarvis – so much as a child that I’m not entirely convinced I’ve ever actually read it.
Taking a quick detour into classic children’s comedy, in which no-one is stalked by a grisly double but a schoolboy does nearly drive his teacher insane.
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